Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
