I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
