You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
