i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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