Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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