i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
