Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
