I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
