I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
