please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
