u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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