He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
