You smell like a Billy Joel song
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
