if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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