How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
