I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
