my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
