Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
