Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
