everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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