i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
