So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
