escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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