Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
