I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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