I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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