what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
