well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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