Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
