so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
