im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
