Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
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