there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
