We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
