my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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