Already got asked if we're dating
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
