I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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