Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
what day is it and did you see me today?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
