All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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