so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He uses pillows to masturbate.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Nobody cheats on THIS.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
