I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
