wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
