The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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