I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He shit in the fireplace
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
