there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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