So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
