Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
