Cold hands, warm shart.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
