I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
