...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
