As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
