:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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