I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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