Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
