why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
