i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
