OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
