You can't motorboat a personality
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
