She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
