Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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