I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
