Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
