UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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