You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
