I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
